We are in the middle of July and the Summer movie blockbuster war-zone is clearing. It was a tough battle from the beginning and we had a tough time here at Square TV distinguishing the "Champ" from the "Chump". This years slug fest was between the surprise newcomer, Iron Man, and the sophomore wonder, The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, the website is still in its poor, early stages of life and our "cheapskate" Chief Editor Alan was unable to spring the cash to fix our flux capacitor so.... we couldn't produce enough jigawatts to bring the onscreen presences of Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne to life to duke it out old skool in a pool of baby oil so we settled for certain themes and aspects of the movies we thought could best determine the winner between both billionaire super heroes.
Toys: Whoever has the most toys wins, right? In this case between both billionare playboys, they both have plenty of toys that weren't shown on the silver screen, including Tony Stark's "Iron Ipod" or Bruce Wayne's "Bat Jerky" which he sells at most Trader Joe's. This one came down to Iron Man's suit versus Batman's suit and you got to give it to Tony Stark's Iron suit. I like that Bruce Wayne added a new can opener to his guantlet but the damn thing was still being mauled by security dogs. I don't think a german shepherd would do well against a suit of iron armor. In addition to having jet propulsion in his boots, Iron Man's suit can also prevent cardiac arrest.
* 1 point Iron Man
Digs: Tony Stark's Malibu mansion next to the Kardashians or Bruce Wayne's Cargo holder covering a temporary "Batcave of shame"? I know, it's unfair but Bruce Wayne has billions of dollars. It's not my fault Raz al Ghoul and the League of Shadows threw a couple of cocktail bombs in the Wayne Manor and didn't bother to clean up. If I had Wayne's money I would have that mansion built quicker that George Clooney's career as Batman. Besides... Tony Stark's mansion is in beautiful So Cal and Batman's temporary digs are located in Gotham's Ghetto, or wait... isn't Gotham one huge ghetto?
*1 point Iron Man
Hotties: Both billionaire super heros wouldn't be playboys if there weren't hot chicks everywhere would they? Unfortunately, Tony Stark has an intern/Monica Lewinski in Pepper Potts
who is past her prime and currently names her children after fruits and vegetables and Bruce Wayne's childhood friend/first french kiss Rachel Dawes was played by an actress that looks like she just woke up after a "20 red bull" coma. By default, we had to turn to the auxilary chicks that would accompany each playboy in his hot exotic cars or private helicopter rides. I believe there were more blondes in Iron Man and Batman was going through a brunette phase so I'd say it's a tie for now. Till then, we need some hotter young poon to be leading ladies in both francises.
*No points awarded to both. 1 point to Gryffindor just for fun.
Baddies: Is it even a battle? Heath Ledger as a maniacal Joker versus the Big Lebowski? This one was like Tyson versus McNeely 1995.. the Thrilla that wasn't in Manila. You have the lasting performance by a young actor that died in his prime versus the"Dude" who looks like a bootleg Steve Jobs wearing a beta version of the Iron Monger suit. Everytime the Iron Monger hit Iron Man, I imagined Jeff Bridges saying, "...the dude abides...". The Joker alone was the craziest and more villainous of the two. Also, we got an excellent baddie in training with Aaron Eckhart as Two Face. Both overwhelm the "Dude"
*2 points for Batman because the "Dude" abides.
Brothas from another Motha: Terrence Howard as Col. James Rhodes versus Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox. "Rhodey" had a limited role in Iron Man and almost blew up his buddy over Afghanistan. Fox almost quit because of conflicts with work interests but makes wonderful toys. Both are badasses and won't stand for injustice and are good buddies of both heroes. Until "Rhodey" puts on a War Machine suit I got to give it to my brotha Lucius Fox for bailing out Batman with cool gadgets and cool vehicles. Also, Morgan Freeman is an Oscar winner.
* 1 point Batman
Story: I know it's a little unfair to compare Iron Man's first outing against an established Batman franchise but I will commend Iron Man for putting down a strong first step forward. Batman's story in The Dark Knight was first class. Iron Man spent most of the movie dealing with Stark's newly found super suit powers and desire to right the wrong he contributed through weapons support of terrorist groups but lacked the epic struggle with a dark nemesis that The Dark Knight delivered. The Dark Knight was co-written by director Christopher Nolan and his real life brother Jonathan Nolan. Both continue to give the Batman franchise a new dark approach to a long running storyline and give big bang Summer blockbuster themes, told through a dramatic and character driven narrative. There are some ups and some downs and good prevails over evil. It truly was the dark side of the struggle that grabs the audience in this one and the movie world gets a Joker we've never seen before. Both films contain the post 9/11 themes of mass hysteria and terrorists striking fear in the hearts of the general public but it was The Dark Knight's plot twists and character development not just with Bruce Wayne but with others like Harvey Dent and Lt. James Gordon that made The Dark Knight's story much deeper. The Dark Knight had one of the most compelling storylines I've ever seen in a comic film.
*1 point Batman and 12 pints of crab juice to any one who begs to differ.
Grossing: With $155 million for The Dark Knight's first weekend versus Iron Man's 12 week gross of $314 million... The Dark Knight looks to take the throne sooner or later by grossing half of what Iron Man maid in 1/12th of its time of being on the screen. The Dark Knight also broke the opening single day and 3 day weekend records held by Spiderman 3. I guess comic movies are boss in Hollywoodland. Hail to the new king!
*1 point Batman
Final Score:
Batman with 5 Points over Iron Man's 2 points
The Dark Knight Prevails
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