Square TV Review: Watchmen (2009)

In the air conditioned oasis in the San Diego Convention center last year, in the midst of a hot summer day, there across every balcony and beam was a banner asking the question, "Who Watches the Watchmen?" On March 6th of 2009 that question finally gets answered with, "The World". The Watchmen film release is the early beginning of the 2009 Summer movie spectacle that comes to theaters every year and delivers a solid punch.

In many ways, I want this review to be short and concise. I need to clear the air because of all the bad vibes the nay-sayers are putting out there. Watchmen, written by Alan Moore, without a doubt was a groundbreaking graphic novel that breathed new life into the comic book world and bridged the gap between the common folk and their traditional literature and those weird comic book loving folk and their colorful and "graphic" novels. Watchmen was the only graphic novel in the Time Magazine 100 best novels and is now an absolutely great film. The once unfilmable film was just filmed and I believe it was very successful in it's adaptation. I would say the first act of the movie was nearly word for word, spot on with the graphic novel. The first 5 minutes of the movie makes the audience feel that they may have walked into the wrong screening for Frost/Nixon but soon after, the classic murder mystery ensues. The characters of Rorschach and the Comedian are effectively played by Jackie Earle Haley and Jeffrey Dean Morgan respectively. There were no big, bulletproof names in this picture and from what I'm being told was by choice from the very ambitious director Zach Snyder (300). This is Snyder's second stab at a graphic novel turned film and succeeds in keeping a high fidelity with the characters in the book and on celluloid. I also think Snyder did a good job of transposing the Watchmen world to the real world. Word on the street was he carried a crumpled copy of the graphic novel at his side throughout the filming process. It was very interested to see an 80's period piece with the occasional flash back to decades past as well. It gave a Forrest Gump feel to the film and was a decent way to fill holes and of course to pass time.


One thing that really disappointed me was the song choices in the movie. I had no problem with the score of the piece but a particular sex scene had a very improper usage of a church hymn and in another sequence of war-time footage was set to a very cliche war-time song. Snyder could have easily put the title sequence of Apocalypse Now during that scene in Vietnam. This movie is truly an epic piece that spans over decades and on screen, holds past the 150 minute mark and should have epic music as well. Some other music choices were MTV-esque in nature and I'm not sure if Snyder was going for that motif but it was a miss for me. In my opinion the music choices almost distracted me from following the story and was very overwhelming at times.


The length of the film was necessary and the audience members that have read the book need to respect the fact that some things in the graphic novel needed to be cut to meet a condensed celluloid format. This hold true for most book to film adaptations. To those who haven't read the book, this movie must have been a big shock to them and they probably had a hard time relating to some of the subplots and overall directions the story was going to. Watchmen is no where near as conventional as Spiderman or Superman. The superheroes in Watchmen are flawed and have some more depth as far as dramatic story lines. Each single character has baggage and they must lug it around as they set forth justice unto the even more troubled masses in this alternate society. In this post 9/11 America, people need to be ready for pictures like this. The story of Watchmen can almost be summed up by the behavior of individuals during trial times. Sometimes it takes a disaster to unite a group of people who have strayed away from humanity. For this is the only time where they realize the things that matter most to themselves.
Watchmen is the most anticipated movie thus far into 2009 and it delivers to the average comic fan but falls a little short for the folks expecting Wolverine to jump out and say some catch phrase as he digs his adamatium claws into somebody's chest. At this point, I see different philosophies with Marvel films and DC comic films. Marvel being the mainstream, high budget, flashy and conventional comic pics whereas DC is leading the way with very visceral, thought provoking films. We basically have the movies of Daredevil versus The Dark Knight or even Hulk versus Watchmen. Yes, I picked the worst Marvel movies the past several years versus the best DC movies in that same time period but that's just it... DC is making better movies in recent years by going that quality over quantity formula. It's up to the general public to figure out if Watchmen has the boxoffice staying power that of a widely reknowned franchise such as the Batman comic series or X-Men. Only time will tell if the world watches the Watchmen.

Square TV Update- 2009 Act 1

Well, look what the cat drug in? 2009 already and boy has the site gone stale! I do admit it has been a while since I've updated the blog but I must explain... very good things have happened. A late congratulations to my partner in crime and buddy Editor Alan and his brand new baby boy, Simon who was born last Fall. Alan has taken the alter-ego of "Super Dad" and has being doing well with his better half, Wendi. Best wishes to the Kravit Family!

As for myself... I've been working and surfing. Times are tough with the sour economy and I plan to update the blog as often as possible as time permits. I still work the 9-5 and try my best to get out into this entertaining world as much as possible. Other than that... life is good in San Diego.

2009 is a time for new resolutions and new beginnings. Here's a list of things to look out for in the entertainment world in this very promising new year.

* New President.... new look:
President Elect Barack Obama takes office next week and it will change the face of politics and everything it affects.. which is everything. TV shows and film will have more African-American politicians casted as high ranking officials and this is a good thing. This will help erase negative stereotypes associated with African-Americans in entertainment. We've already seen this changing of the guard in the show 24 where actor Dennis Haysbert played President Palmer in the early part of the series who can be seen recently in Allstate Insurance commercials. We also saw another African American President in Heroes when actor Michael Dorn took the role of the President of the United States in the upcoming second half of the season this February.

* More Comic Movies!!!!
Transformers 2, Dragonball, G.I. Joe, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and of course... Watchmen. Nuff Said!



* Harry Potter is hotter.
The powers that be should consider standardizing calendars to show if it is a year that a Harry Potter movie comes out on. It would make soccer mom's lives a lot easier and would help Summer movie traffic.

* Recession Obsession
Not that it's a good thing to obsess about but this recession will affect the entertainment biz strongly. As if it hasn't already? Job cuts have effected major studios and this will greatly affect the production time of movies and tv shows. I was watching the Golden Globes the other day, and I even heard fashion analysts discussing how the recession has made actors dress more frugal and conservative in reflection to the financial times we live in. I just hope I don't see Megan Fox wearing Wal-Mart granny panties.



* Comic Con 2009
Need I say more?

Comic Con with solve everything.... I can't wait till Summer!!!

Til then... I'll be kicking it with 2 guys who's lives came up short... the dude from Prison Break and Tupac. R.I.P. you both.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

by Mike Tarifa

Many will love, and many will hate the latest disturbance in the Force. The latest installment to the lengthy Star Wars franchise was released on August 15th as Star Wars: The Clone Wars. It was an admirable attempt to bridge the widely popular live action film series to the CGI world. The film produced by Warner Bros. was the first of the films made outside of Fox Studios and showed visible proof of the switch in team. Right off the bat, I was missing the 21st Century Fox drum beat and fanfare. It almost made the Lucasfilms Ltd. logo look and feel naked? The movie didn't open with a spaceship sequence like the original films but rather a news reel reminiscent of WWII propaganda films made by RKO Productions. With the helm of the ship taken by director Dave Filoni, stylistic changes were made all over the film. What Filoni and his team brought to the table was almost a clone of the original Clone Wars animated series cartoons from Cartoon Network in 2005. The film's aim was to tell the untold stories of the heroic battles fought throughout the galaxy far, far away in between Star Wars Episode II and III. With that aim alone, the series will have an infinite amount of chances to redeem itself for its misfires in dynamic character development and "cheesy" dialogue. Then again, when did Star Wars ever possess the prose of a Shakespearean Play?



My biggest complaint in the character department was Anikan Skywalker's new padawan, Ashoka Tano. Even she made Skywalker himself a little less whiny. Tano's character was thrown into the fire rather quickly and made you question the ability of a padawan learner in such a short amount of time. She must have taken the abridged/boot camp version Luke Skywalker took in Summer School Jedi training camp because she was making big time plays throughout the film. To the films credit, it is hard to fully develop that character in 100 minutes in a galaxy that big. Only original players Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Lee reprise their voice characters as Jedi Master Mace Windu and Count Dooku respectively. In a nutshell, the film covers one of the very first missions in the daring Clone Wars and provides a back story on how the Republic gained a foot hole in the outer rim territories of the Galaxy. They encounter hostile attacks from Seperatist Groups and the learning relationship between Skywalker the Master and Tano the padawan....somewhat blossom. A plot point involving a muppet baby Jabba the Hutt kinda makes the audience scratch their heads but was bearable at times. Another nuisance is another Hutt by the name of Ziro that kinda sounds like Eric Cartman using the restroom after sucking on helium. Besides that it's pretty consistent with the Star Wars world.


This film is neither a flop nor a triumph. I had to be down the middle on this one but I am a devout Star Wars fan and I must support the cause. Star Wars: The Clone Wars was obviously made for television and it is almost obvious that the studio was going to do an hour premiere on Cartoon Network but one of the producers probably insisted on adding 30 more minutes and giving it a theatrical release. With little advertising and the lack of fan support on opening night, it was obvious the Star Wars film release was not to the magnitude of the previous 6 films. Kudos to them for bringing more money to the Lucas Ranch and expanding the Star Wars Galaxy. I highly recommend this flick to die hard Star Wars fans and the younglings between 7 and 14 years of age. Everybody else will enjoy this one on their own time and hopefully grow to enjoy it more as the television series is slated to release later this year or early 2009.



See a trailer for Star Wars: The Clone Wars below:

The Billion Dollar Battle

By Mike Tarifa


We are in the middle of July and the Summer movie blockbuster war-zone is clearing. It was a tough battle from the beginning and we had a tough time here at Square TV distinguishing the "Champ" from the "Chump". This years slug fest was between the surprise newcomer, Iron Man, and the sophomore wonder, The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, the website is still in its poor, early stages of life and our "cheapskate" Chief Editor Alan was unable to spring the cash to fix our flux capacitor so.... we couldn't produce enough jigawatts to bring the onscreen presences of Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne to life to duke it out old skool in a pool of baby oil so we settled for certain themes and aspects of the movies we thought could best determine the winner between both billionaire super heroes.






Toys: Whoever has the most toys wins, right? In this case between both billionare playboys, they both have plenty of toys that weren't shown on the silver screen, including Tony Stark's "Iron Ipod" or Bruce Wayne's "Bat Jerky" which he sells at most Trader Joe's. This one came down to Iron Man's suit versus Batman's suit and you got to give it to Tony Stark's Iron suit. I like that Bruce Wayne added a new can opener to his guantlet but the damn thing was still being mauled by security dogs. I don't think a german shepherd would do well against a suit of iron armor. In addition to having jet propulsion in his boots, Iron Man's suit can also prevent cardiac arrest.

* 1 point Iron Man

Digs: Tony Stark's Malibu mansion next to the Kardashians or Bruce Wayne's Cargo holder covering a temporary "Batcave of shame"? I know, it's unfair but Bruce Wayne has billions of dollars. It's not my fault Raz al Ghoul and the League of Shadows threw a couple of cocktail bombs in the Wayne Manor and didn't bother to clean up. If I had Wayne's money I would have that mansion built quicker that George Clooney's career as Batman. Besides... Tony Stark's mansion is in beautiful So Cal and Batman's temporary digs are located in Gotham's Ghetto, or wait... isn't Gotham one huge ghetto?

*1 point Iron Man

Hotties: Both billionaire super heros wouldn't be playboys if there weren't hot chicks everywhere would they? Unfortunately, Tony Stark has an intern/Monica Lewinski in Pepper Potts who is past her prime and currently names her children after fruits and vegetables and Bruce Wayne's childhood friend/first french kiss Rachel Dawes was played by an actress that looks like she just woke up after a "20 red bull" coma. By default, we had to turn to the auxilary chicks that would accompany each playboy in his hot exotic cars or private helicopter rides. I believe there were more blondes in Iron Man and Batman was going through a brunette phase so I'd say it's a tie for now. Till then, we need some hotter young poon to be leading ladies in both francises.

*No points awarded to both. 1 point to Gryffindor just for fun.

Baddies: Is it even a battle? Heath Ledger as a maniacal Joker versus the Big Lebowski? This one was like Tyson versus McNeely 1995.. the Thrilla that wasn't in Manila. You have the lasting performance by a young actor that died in his prime versus the"Dude" who looks like a bootleg Steve Jobs wearing a beta version of the Iron Monger suit. Everytime the Iron Monger hit Iron Man, I imagined Jeff Bridges saying, "...the dude abides...". The Joker alone was the craziest and more villainous of the two. Also, we got an excellent baddie in training with Aaron Eckhart as Two Face. Both overwhelm the "Dude"



*2 points for Batman because the "Dude" abides.

Brothas from another Motha: Terrence Howard as Col. James Rhodes versus Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox. "Rhodey" had a limited role in Iron Man and almost blew up his buddy over Afghanistan. Fox almost quit because of conflicts with work interests but makes wonderful toys. Both are badasses and won't stand for injustice and are good buddies of both heroes. Until "Rhodey" puts on a War Machine suit I got to give it to my brotha Lucius Fox for bailing out Batman with cool gadgets and cool vehicles. Also, Morgan Freeman is an Oscar winner.



* 1 point Batman

Story: I know it's a little unfair to compare Iron Man's first outing against an established Batman franchise but I will commend Iron Man for putting down a strong first step forward. Batman's story in The Dark Knight was first class. Iron Man spent most of the movie dealing with Stark's newly found super suit powers and desire to right the wrong he contributed through weapons support of terrorist groups but lacked the epic struggle with a dark nemesis that The Dark Knight delivered. The Dark Knight was co-written by director Christopher Nolan and his real life brother Jonathan Nolan. Both continue to give the Batman franchise a new dark approach to a long running storyline and give big bang Summer blockbuster themes, told through a dramatic and character driven narrative. There are some ups and some downs and good prevails over evil. It truly was the dark side of the struggle that grabs the audience in this one and the movie world gets a Joker we've never seen before. Both films contain the post 9/11 themes of mass hysteria and terrorists striking fear in the hearts of the general public but it was The Dark Knight's plot twists and character development not just with Bruce Wayne but with others like Harvey Dent and Lt. James Gordon that made The Dark Knight's story much deeper. The Dark Knight had one of the most compelling storylines I've ever seen in a comic film.

*1 point Batman and 12 pints of crab juice to any one who begs to differ.

Grossing: With $155 million for The Dark Knight's first weekend versus Iron Man's 12 week gross of $314 million... The Dark Knight looks to take the throne sooner or later by grossing half of what Iron Man maid in 1/12th of its time of being on the screen. The Dark Knight also broke the opening single day and 3 day weekend records held by Spiderman 3. I guess comic movies are boss in Hollywoodland. Hail to the new king!

*1 point Batman

Final Score:

Batman with 5 Points over Iron Man's 2 points

The Dark Knight Prevails

LEGO Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures

By Dozer - Square TV Guest Writer

"Hey, lady! You call him Dr. Jones!"

With the amount of puzzle solving and treasure hunting done in Traveler's Tales newest endeavor, LEGO Indiana Jones, you will definitely feel like you are Henry Jones Jr… in a blocky, Danish, charmingly hilarious way. You'll be chased down by a giant boulder of LEGO blocks, speed through the mines fighting off Thugees, fight off "zee Germans", and of course, you will remember not to spell the name of the Lord with a "J"! Unfortunately, there is no "Wilhelm Scream" from the nearly voiceless LEGO characters. What this game brings to the plate is a new look at the always fun, entertaining, and exciting LEGO Video Game Universe.

Just like the two previous installments of the LEGO series, LEGO Indiana Jones is a game that can be enjoyed by one or two players of all ages due to its non-threatening visuals and toned down violence. Don't worry, no beating hearts from Mola Ram, no face melting thanks to the Ark of the Covenant, and without spoiling too much from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Alfred Molina's character, Satipo actually survives!

"Mr. Jones! I've heard a lot about you, sir. Your appearance is exactly the way I imagined."

The graphics are exactly what you expect from a LEGO game, with all of the architecture fitting perfectly in the LEGO world, while maintaining the style of the Indy Movies. Even the snakes and bugs match exactly what they look like in the actual LEGO collection. The characters are usually distinct enough to recognize who's who, with the exception of the many generic characters, such as the Duck-walking Nazi's, or the other Duck-walking Nazi's (but there are no actual references to them being Nazi's to keep with the all-ages appeal).


This seems to be the only place that LEGO Indiana Jones falls a little short compared to the LEGO Star Wars installments. Star Wars has a plethora of distinct characters, where Indy only has the key characters and a smorgasbord of generic characters… but is that really such a bad thing? I should mention that Indiana Jones himself has quite a few costumes in this game. If you remember the costume in any of the movies, it's in here! Besides, don't we all wanna be Indy, Henry, Short Round, or Sallah?

"Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory"

To those familiar with the LEGO movie-based videogames, collecting studs (used as money or points to unlock the seemingly endless bonuses), solving puzzles, and finding artifact pieces is the name of the game. The game is quite linear within each level, never truly requiring much backtracking, but always providing something to do. From destroying bushes (watch out for bugs!), to building piles of bricks, and swinging across vines, almost everything and anything yields studs and the slightly less frequent hearts to replenish health to collect. There are six levels within each movie, with the game starting with Raiders of the Lost Ark's intro of trekking through the deep jungles of Peru to find the Chachapoyan Fertility Idol.

Watch out for Booty Traps… Booby Traps, that's what I said! Once this level is completed, the other two movies can be accessed at anytime. You can go through and take a crack at a few levels from each movie, or go in completely chronological movie release order. Or for those who truly want to go in chronological order, you can start with Temple of Doom once the first level of Raiders is finished.

All of this is accessed through the central hub, Barnett College, which has very convincing architecture. It basically looks like a University, complete with "students" walking around, who happen to be all of the characters you have unlocked. Just like Mos Eisley, Barnett is where everything starts and is unlocked. There are also some unlockable secrets in the College itself, accessed by solving puzzles. Replay value is definitely very strong here, as this game can't be completed 100% in the first run through.

"There is more in the diary than just the map."

After playing the game for less than five minutes, you can begin to notice the differences and similarities in gameplay between Star Wars and Indy. Indy will always be running around with at least one other character even if the actual movie version had Indy going solo. Once again, just like with Storm Troopers, you can literally wear the hats of "Zee Germans" to open up other areas in the game. And character types have different abilities required for each puzzle.

This game is much more logic-puzzle oriented, and less combat-centric than the two previous LEGO installments. Without spoiling much, if you think like Indy, you will succeed. And remember, he doesn't have Force Powers, but he does have a whip! Every tool has a use, a very logical use. Characters now have tools and weapons that they can pick up, such as wrenches, shovels, rocket launchers, torches, and books. Building, repairing, and digging all require waggles of the Wii-mote & Nunchuck to speed up any of those actions. Books actually create a mini-game similar to the old "Simon" Light-Pattern Memory Game born in 1978. Instead of four colors in a circular pattern, the game uses nine hieroglyphic tiles in a tic-tac-toe pattern, where four tiles light up in a specific pattern, and must be repeated. There are even Thuggee specific items, but I won't spoil that, or what happens if you try to enter a "Nazi-only" area without the proper hat.



Even though the game is much more puzzle oriented, that's not to say that Indy doesn't have his fair share of action-stunt and brawling techniques! He's got his punches, his whip (which can be activated by a very intuitive waggle of the Wii-Mote), and even brawling moves such as full nelsons and noogies! Controlling Indy and friends is a breeze with the B button for regular attacks, A to jump, Z to initiate special moves such as building and lifting, and C to switch between characters and/or climb on vehicles. I should probably mention that the ability to drop-in/out for two players is still present.

"Sallah, I said no camels. That's five camels. Can't you count?"

Speaking of vehicles, there are many vehicle chases, as well as actual animals for transportation, as well as for puzzle solving… including camels, and elephants. They are all extremely fun to ride around as you can go off of jumps, do wheelies, fight on top of trucks, and even ride my favorite "vehicle" (sorry to spoil a little section, but I gotta thank my buddies Rory and Spanky for this one) the Gong in Temple of Doom. If you can remember what the mini-ferris wheel looked like at Chuck-E-Cheese, you'll get an idea of this "LoL" moment.



It's things like that which make this game super fun, even though you've somewhat "done it before" in Star Wars. Sure, it's not ground breaking, but it's a different direction. Even the little details like Indy's fear of snakes or Willie's fear of bugs plays an integral part of each puzzle, but also adds to the character of the game. The first time I saw LEGO Indy cover his eyes in fear of a pit of snakes had me laughing, and smiling ear to ear. And thankfully, we never have to hear Willie "Only-in-movie-because-she's-sleeping-with-director" Scott's voice, with the exception of her "Singing", which is hilarious in itself seeing the LEGO figures recreate the intro to Temple of Doom. The AI is decent, where the second character will do most things that a second player would do in puzzle solving. But in fights, the AI is only allowed to stun enemies, and may occasionally get in the way, so be prepared to be swarmed by enemies and find yourself getting crushed frequently.

"I suggest you give me what you owe me... or 'Anything Goes!'"

Speaking of music, the first time you boot up the game, the Raiders March is heard right as Jock's plane fly's by the title of the game, it's almost guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Every sequence in each movie has its corresponding music score which sounds directly lifted from the actual recordings. From "Marion's Theme" to ""The Mine Car Chase" to "The Penitent Man Will Pass", each track will draw you into the game almost transporting you to the blocky version of each scene. Some of the sound effects, such as those from collecting studs, and punches are lifted straight from LEGO Star Wars, but this is not a negative. It's more of a continuation of the LEGO series.

"Professor of archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one say it? Obtainer of rare antiquities."

Overall, this game gives you hours and hours of gameplay, where none of it is lackluster or boring, with the possible exception of the final bonus level out of three bonus levels. From Indy fans, to the casual gamer, LEGO Indiana Jones is almost everything that one could want from a family-friendly representation of the Indiana Jones Lore. While the motion controls aren't necessary as the same actions can be controlled by buttons, or unlock able secrets, who doesn't want to swing a Wii-mote just like Henry Jones Jr.? I know I do, and with the idea of collecting and unlocking a plethora of antiquities and items, you too can feel like Indiana Jones.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend Slackers!

(left to right)Alan and Michele from Square TV with Paul, Frank, Leslie and Jeff from Team Atrox.

Pretty damn crazy long weekend ladies and germs! I'm trying hard to get these video interviews up and running. We had the Elephant Eater piece on the web last week and we just wrapped the shooting for the Team Atrox exclusive. The trip up to Hollywood to interview the very talented folks of Team Atrox was very enjoyable and hopefully I can get a 3 part video on the site ASAP. They had a lot to talk about and it was a very entertaining bit... including cameos from some curious cats.

If you are anxious and want to see some serious comedy feel free to check out Team Atrox @ www.theatrox.com and click on the video section. Please make sure you are wearing Depends undergarments because you may shit a chicken or piss blood from laughter. Watch and enjoy and stay tuned to Square TV!

The Def Leading the Blind

  To be 1080P or not to be 1080P... that is the question.  High definition media has hit us hard like a fast-ball in the face and it certainly isn't slowing down any time soon.  A strong percentage of Americans are switching to digital cable and high definition programming.  I personally have made that switch to the "high-def" world last year and I am not looking back.  More detail in image quality and color is the start of a digital art revolution and young filmmakers should be thankful for this medium transition.   

As a filmmaker, I've always tried my best to achieve that film quality look.  It's that 24 frames a second look produced by "Hollywood" cameras and I could only mimic it through cheap gimmicks and terrible low lighting used to create video noise to pass as film grain.  In recent years, companies like Panasonic and Canon have bridged that gap between part-time videographers and dedicated independent filmmakers with consumer standard video camcorders that have the bells and whistles that of industry standard equipment.

 In recent months, Canon has had the release of consumer grade camcorders like the HG10, HV20   (above) and the HR10.  These cameras boast high-definition capabilities for the price of under $1200 at most stores.  All of these cameras have an effect that produces recordings in 24 progressive frames a second and look impressively close to the industry standard videos produced at 24P.  If you don't know the difference go ahead and watch C-SPAN for a few minutes and study their digital camera footage.  After you are done watching, go ahead and watch the Food Network or a World Series of Poker Tour game and see how the video has a film-like look and almost looks like standard film used in feature films.  You might also need a little imagination to actually see it that way but it's strikingly similar.

It is truly a great time for young, up an coming filmmakers right now and the advent of high definition cameras with film-like image producing effects help out their cause.  These artists can now produce videos that have high production quality that won't break the bank.  With $1000, a good story and some imagination... almost anybody can start making their own feature film come alive.